User Guide and Manual for Fiyero Tiggular
by LostOzian
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of a FIYERO TIGGULAR unit, v. 1.0. To obtain the most pleasure from your scandalacious prince, please follow the instructions...


**Disclaimer: Okay, I have to say, the format is not an original idea. I watched the Sci-Fi miniseries, Tin Man (not bad, and it doesn't contradict Wicked! The Brainless Character is a fantastic dancer, they say it outright), and it already had a fanfiction section here, where I have been lurking. So I saw a fic where someone made a user manual for the Heartless Character, who happens to be rather smexy. I used the format from that, and made it about our very own Sexalicious Hottie. **

**This is also my Christmas/Lurlinemas present to the BAS girls and to danderson. Because I love you all. **

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**THE USERS GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR**

**Fiyero Tiggular**

**Copyright Keep Dancing Through, Ltd.**

**Elphaba Thropp, Quality Assurance Manager **

_CONGRATULATIONS!_

You are now the proud owner of a FIYERO TIGGULAR unit, v. 1.0. To obtain the most pleasure from your scandalacious prince, please follow the instructions below.

**_TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS_**

Name: Fiyero Tiggular

Type: Human (Prince)

Height: 6 ft. 0 in.

Weight: 165 lbs.

Length: Perfect. You'll see.

Colour: Eyes: Blue. Hair: Blonde.

_()OOPS__!() Were you no__t expecting a __blue-blonde__ FIYERO unit__? Obviously you check__ed the MUSICALVERSE box by accident on your order form! Fortunately, KDT Ltd. keeps a 28-day return policy on your FIYERO unit. Return with a new order form stating you wish a BOOKVERSE FIYERO unit__ to be sent to your address along with the corresponding user guide.__ Please not that __all __BOOKVERSE FIYERO units are married to SARIMA units._

**_ACCESSORIES_**

Your FIYERO unit comes dressed in a WHITE SHIRT with a RED VEST and TIGHT-ASSED PANTS. Accessories include a small BAG for his class schedule, a COMB for his hair, and a ROSE to give to the prettiest girl at Shiz (not included). Your FIYERO unit also comes with a GALE FORCE OFFICER UNIFORM, ROPE, and RIFLE for use in Act 2 mode.

_()NOTE__() RIFLE is sold separately from AMMUNITION. Please remember that in sending your FIYERO unit off to battle with other GALE FORCE units for the freedom of an ELPHABA unit while threatening a GLINDA unit. There is the __possibility that__ he will need to fire his RIFLE accessory, and certain doom will occur if the GALE FORCE units discover he has no bullets._

Also available for purchase from the KDT Ltd. Catalogue are FIYERO unit's OZDUST SUIT, SHIZ UNIFORM, and SIMULADE SCARECROW SUIT. The S.S.S. is used if you wish to have a very huggable FIYERO unit without the pain of having him permanently changed into SCARECROW mode by an overly distressed ELPHABA unit. More accessories include LION IN A CAGE and POPPY BOUQUET (free SWEET NOTE TO ELPHABA included with purchase of POPPY BOUQUET).

**_OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS_**

It is recommended that upon receiving your FIYERO unit that you remove its clothing and check all moving parts. This is to ensure that there are no flaws to your FIYERO unit and that you may return him within the 28-day return window for a replacement. It is not recommended to check for defects around any significant others. KDT Ltd., is not responsible for divorce, separations, missing persons cases or other actions or misdeeds arising from actions in the care of your FIYERO unit. His controls are voice activated and he is fluent in English and Vinkan, due to the fact it is incredibly sexy to have Vinkan poetry recited to you (or an ELPHABA unit, should you so choose) and then translated. Be aware, your FIYERO unit comes with two settings: CANON and MARYSUE. Make sure your FIYERO is on MARYSUE setting before asking him to seduce you or someone close to you. KDT Ltd. accepts no responsibility for legal costs, confinement or possible failure of examinations in having your FIYERO unit insist on helping you study.

As well as being a fun-loving and sexalicious prince, FIYERO has many other uses.

_Re-Enactment_

Whether it be you loved Wicked so much you want to see it again, or wish to have Wicked put on for you by accurate re-creations of OBC interpretations, simply set all units to CANON mode and specify DEAR OLD SHIZ. Your FIYERO unit will appear lifeless for a long time as your other units perform the show (see FAST FORWARDING in the instruction manual) until it is time for DANCING THROUGH LIFE. Also note that your FIYERO unit will experience shallow attraction to the GALINDA unit and eventually fall deeply in love with the ELPHABA unit, so if you're hoping to insert yourself into SHIZ you can just go jump in a lake.

_Lover_

By setting your FIYERO to MARYSUE mode, you will be the object of your FIYERO unit's undivided affection and everlasting love.

_()NOTE() MARYSUE mode eliminates all possibility of Wicked re-enactment, as GLINDA and ELPHABA units will refuse to spend more than five minutes in your presence, and it will probably get to the point where your FIYERO unit loses his temper with them for being so mean to you. It is suggested you activate GELPHIE mode and shove your ELPHABA and GALINDA units in a closet__ somewhere__ while you enjoy the pleasures of owning a FIYERO unit._

_Party Starter_

FIYERO units are natural party hosts and are guaranteed to make people start dancing within 3.7 minutes of him beginning to dance. It is while at a party that Act 1 FIYERO units become most perceptive; they can instantly tell the mood of a party and know if they are going well. He also makes excellent arm candy when MARYSUE mode is activated.

_Hero_

Activating YERO THE HERO mode turns your FIYERO unit into an amazing superhero of unsurpassed reasoning and daring, capable to tie a rope to a tree that stands right next to a cornfield and also right next to the site where NESSA units are crushed, which should be swarming with ill-wishing tourists, _but_, due to YERO THE HERO mode, these are not obstacles to FIYERO units. Whatever mission he is charged with will be completed, rest assured.

_()NOTE() __While mission success rates were 100 percent, the mortality rate __of __unaided__ FIYERO units was 87.6 percent._

**_CLEANING AND MAINTENANCE_**

Your FIYERO unit is completely capable of cleaning himself, but honestly, why would you want him to just clean himself? Despite his prowess with soap, your FIYERO unit is programmed to always appear in need of a helping hand while cleaning. FIYERO unit has a safety fail to revert to MARYSUE mode when cleaning (ELPHABA units will be tagged as MARYSUE while the safety is on), allowing you to assist in cleaning. It is suggested you let your FIYERO unit clean you once, it's quite nice.

Do not dry clean or tumble dry your FIYERO unit. Hot wash cycles only.

**_FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS and TROUBLESHOOTING_**

_My FIYERO unit has been acting distant and moodified, causing my GLINDA unit to become very upset. I don't own my own ELPHABA unit. What's going on?_

All units are automatically set to RE-ENACT, and will assume a time period based on how many other units are present. Being you only have a GLINDA unit and a FIYERO unit, THANK GOODNESS has been selected. Also, since the FIYERO unit is unsure that ELPHABA units even _exist_ in Oz, the magnitude of a search throughout the universe has hit him. It is suggested you invest in an ELPHABA unit for you or someone close to you, or turn to MARYSUE mode.

_There are absolutely no swankified places in town. Can I still own a FIYERO unit and have __him__ be happy?_

Of course! As you know, the Great Gillikin Forest isn't very swankified, and FIYERO units and ELPHABA units love to party there! If there are no swankified places in town, then FIYERO units will automatically create one. They can be very resourceful, and it's so cute to see them standing there with a room full of streamers and other swankified decorations saying, "So? What do you think?"

_I've always been a fan for obscure pairings. Is there some way to make my BOQ unit and FIYERO unit re-enact a __slash-__smut fic I wrote?_

Absolutely not. FIYERO and BOQ units, while not homophobic, are not-…_Okay, first of all, buddy, you're sick, but second of all, we could care less. We at Carried Away Industries believe in the dreams of people, and not letting little things like sexual orientation get in the way. Gelphie has widespread popularity, but what do you think a FIYERO unit would REALLY do if the two most attractive ladies in his life were lesbians? That's right. He'd hook up with the Munchkin in an epic reunion of West and East. Give us a buzz at 1-800-GAY-UNIT (1-800-429-8648) and we can 'adjust' your FIYERO unit with a more realistic personality._

_Something's wrong with my FIYERO unit. He keeps trying to impress my ELPHABA unit with obviously brainless flirting that never fail__s__ to make my GALINDA unit swoon. Why won't he get smart?_

Your FIYERO unit is still convinced that life is painless for the brainless. This is because your units are unable to proceed to LION CUB SCENE due to the lack of DR. DILLAMOND unit, CREEPY SCIENTIST unit, and CAGED LION CUB accessory. It is possible for you to personally substitute for the units and improvise a CAGED LION CUB, but you will not be able to watch as the action unfolds. You will also be subject to the ELPHABA unit's magical outburst, which we at Testing can assure you, it's not pretty. Poor Ambrose lost his mind because of it. But anyway, all parties involved will be happier if you bought the missing items so your FIYERO unit and ELPHABA unit can discover they deserve each other, don't they see this is their chance? If you're a freak and you don't think the LION CUB SCENE is absolutely adorable, proceed directly to TRAIN STATION SCENE (See FAST FORWARDING in the instruction manual).

**_FINAL NOTE_**

We here in quality control hope that you enjoy your FIYERO unit and, provided that the above instructions are followed, are certain that he will provide you with years of pleasure. Please remember to renew his warranty regularly, and ignore all telemarketers warning you about the expiration of your warranty. KDT Ltd. will send an official notice when it is nearing expiration. If you have any more questions, feel free to dial Tech Support at 1-800-OZUNITS, or 1-800-698-6487.

___**()IMPORTANT**__** NOTICE!!() IGNORE ALL SOLICITATIONS FROM CARRIED AWAY INDUSTRIES. THEY ARE NOT LISCENSED TO SELL UNITS FROM THE WICKED COLLECTION AND MAY DAMAGE YOUR UNIT**__** BEYOND REPAIR**___

Have a great time dancing!


End file.
